I have realized recently that over the past few years I have written a few musical parodies and thought it would be fun to put them all in the same place! Some of range from a few lines to chorus and versus.
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Hello from Your Study Guide
This was how I introduced my students to their midterm study guide.
Enlightened Friends
I wrote this while teaching the Enlightenment as it amused me. It is to the tune of the Friends theme song.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way [clap X 4]
No rights for folk, most broke,
No power for the bourgeoisie
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
when your ruler’s a Leviathan – a sea monster – someone you fear
But…
I’ll be there for you
(when the rain starts to pour)
I’ll be there for you
(like i’ve been there before)
I’ll be there for you
(cause you’re there for me too)
Published a new essay that the King’s just gonna hate [clap x 4]
You just got exiled, yea, things are going great
It’s Natural for there to be days like these
But can we renegotiate when that Social Contract
keeps you on your knees
But…
I’ll be there for you….
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My Research Tips (Rhymed)
Thought I’d go ahead & drop some research knowledge /
(just like when Goldilocks broke in & dropped the hot porridge)/
In your final copy never use a personal pronoun/
every time you do it, my heart makes a little sound (of breaking).
And while we are at it/
Please right now just get out of that habit/
Of using contractions, you just don’t do it/
(Oh man, there I just blew it.)
This week even with all the trepidation/
Make sure you do not forget those citations/
Listen, even I know it takes a while/
But when you do it use Chicago Style
Please, know that I don’t taunt/
Make sure to use that 12 point font/
(And while this line may seem a bit meandered)/
But Times New Roman is the industry standard
Don’t go ruin that line you wrote/
By typing next, “In that there quote…/
One thing that will simply amaze/
Is varying your signal phrase
And I don’t mean to drop yet another hurdle/
But go ahead and drop that paper into Wordle/
Overused words will be big like the forest/
Pick up some new ones in the thesaurus.
Listen I hope this one doesn’t stun/
Drop that passive voice (like Burr dropped Hamilton)/
And stop me if you’ve heard/
Eliminate all those helping verbs
Now this one just makes my heart bleed/
Shows up when you don’t proofread/
Maybe you need someone else’s eyes/
but please know what to capitalize!
One more thing that I did missed/
Next week when you’re finished/
Tears of joy should be what you’re crying/
What you submit, make sure to take pride in.
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A Few of My Favorite (Term Paper) Things
Crisp thesis statements that can be argued and proven
Strong intro paragraphs that will hook me right in
Integrated quotations that are sourced in the footings
These are a few of my favorite (term paper) things!
Tight topic sentences that leave no confusion
Varied primary (and secondary) sources that are used for collusion
Research that’s cleverly put in writing
These are a few of my favorite (term paper) things!
When passive voice strikes
When quotes unexplained
When it’s not proofread
I simply read one with my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad!
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Embargo of 1807 (Let it Go Parody)
Embargo, Embargo/
We’re not trading with them anymore/
Embargo, embargo/
They won’t impress our sailors in their war
I don’t care/
What my critics are going to say/
Let their war rage on/
The cold never bothered me anyway
(This may be added to at a later point)
The Cold Never Bothered Him Anyw
50 Ways to Leave Great Britain
“Being ruled by Britain isn’t great,” France said to me
There is a way out if you do it carefully
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave Great Britain
France said it’s really not my habit to intrude
You’ll be labelled heroes or rebels by the point it’s being viewed
But I’ll repeat myself (at the risk of being crude)
There must be fifty ways to leave Great Britain
Protest the Stamp Act, Mac
Burn the Gaspée down, John Brown
Dump out the tea, Lee
Just get yourself free
Petition the King, Middleton
Warn that there near, Revere!
March on Lexington, Minuteman
And get yourself free!
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I’m Just a Bill (No Doubt Parody)
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I’m proposed and it’s no big surprise
Don’t you think I know exactly where I stand
I don’t find sponsors soon, well, then I’m canned.
‘Cause I’m just a Bill, little ol’ me
Don’t get me lost in House Oversight
‘Cause I’m just a Bill, all pretty and petite
Help me grow up and become a right!
The very moment in the subcommittee I step inside
Pork is added and it’s no big surprise
It’s all those little things Congress holds so dear
All those little things that I fear
‘Cause I’m just a Bill (I’d rather not be)
And they just added another ride’
‘Cause I’m just a Bill, not some kind of freak
Passed the subcommittee in a landslide.
I’m just a Bill
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh, that I’ve made it up to here
A full Committee hearing is the next hurdle to clear
I’m just a Bill…
….
I’m just a Bill that got ‘tabled’
That’s all the Committee Chair will let me be
Well, I’m just a Bill stalled in captivity
All the pork made me worrisome.
I’m just a Bill, becoming a law won’t be my destiny!
What I’ve become is just making me numb
I’m a porked Bill, my apologies
What I’ve become is so burdensome
I’m just a Bill, lucky me
I’m now stuck like a piece of gum
Oh, I wish I had
Oh, I wish I had
Oh, I wish I had someone else to steer.
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Do Now (A Hey Now Parody)
My students don’t mess around
when they get to class
I know this for sure.
On the board, I got a writing prompt
to get them writing prompt
when they walk through the door.
Do…now
Do now
Do…now
Do now
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Falling Slowly (A back to school parody)
Take these last few days, make them amaze
We’ve still got time!
Don’t school shop today, still time to play
Make these days count
Falling slowly, leaves start turning
And I must go back
School calls to me, rest alludes me
Snooze alarm no more to whack
You have had a nice break
Hiked mountains, star gazed
I guess it’s time to begin
But take these last few days, make them amaze
You’ve still got time!
Don’t school shop today, still time to play
Make these days count
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Seasons of Learning
4 years, 24 classes, 110 credits
4 years, 24 chances to “make the grade”
4 years, 24 classes, 110 credits
How do you measure your high school career?
In class rank, in test grades,
In bookshelves full of trophies
In friendships, in lunches, in stories to share
4 years, 24 classes, 110 credits
How do you measure your high school career?
How about learning?
How about learning?
How about learning?
Measure your growth.
Seasons of learning
Seasons of learning
4 years, 24 classes, 110 credits
4 years, 24 chances to chances to shine
4 years, 24 classes, 110 credits
How do you measure your growth over time?
In truth we learned
In times we did tried
In science we bunsen burned
In guidance we cried (at least once)
It’s time now, to sing out
Though the end high school descends
Let’s celebrate
Remember that our learning should never end
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Midterm Mis (A Les Mis parody)
Teacher:
One day more.
Another day another destiny.
This never-ending road to Quarter Three.
Students should know their history
from absolutes to industry.
One day more.
Student 1:
I did not study much today
I plan on studying tomorrow
Teacher:
One day more.
Student 2:
Midterms are just a day away!
Student 1:
Do you have a book that I could borrow?
Student 2:
One more day to make note cards
Student 1:
Can you please lend me a pen?
Student 2:
To highlight them with different colors.
Student 1:
I just need a passing grade.
Student 2:
What essay question should I choose?
Student 1:
Is there really more than one?
Student 2:
I just want to earn an A.
The American Side Story
From my fake adaptation of West Side Story (in an early America setting). It’s about two star-crossed lovers who find themselves on separate sides of the ideological spectrum. He’s an urban industrialist in need of raw materials, and she’s a self-self sufficient farmer who doesn’t need a man or to grow a cash crop. Will they put aside their differences? Or will their love be a victim in “North-South Side Story”.
Some songs:
“When you’re a Federalist/
You’re a Federalist all the way/
From your first bank deal/
Till you’re captain of industr-ay”
And of course
“I feel sufficient/
Self-sufficient/
Feel like planting & harvesting for days/
& I pity all those who don’t live the agrarian way.”
Napoleon
While I was teaching and researching Napoleon, this popped in my head around 3am.
My name’s Napoleon
Nap to the O-leon
People say I’m nothing because I’m just a Corsican
Really! That’s all your goin” on?
I’m like a hero I saved the day back in Toulon!
You will remember my name – I’m not just some pawn
Got a wife, got busy and she started cheating on
Found out, heartbroken, got a little withdrawn
Wrote a letter, British took it, then they published all my forlorn
But I will make them pay! I’ll be the Napoleon
Everybody needs me to be, I’ll be the chosen one
I’ll take over so quick they’ll be so stunned
Then I’ll set my sites on domination and the vile Britain
I’m not vertically challenged,
I am such a talent
I’ll stage a coup then get elected cause I’m so f-ing valiant
Gonna get my house in order, make sure laws are fair & balanced
And everyone will cheer my name!
Michael K. Milton ~ @42ThinkDeep 